So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
