is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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