he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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