You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
