So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
