My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
