Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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