So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
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Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
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Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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