Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
