I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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