That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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