Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
