you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
