I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
