drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
