Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
