some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
you had me at cake vodka
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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