A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I got inside last night via doggy door
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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