One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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