I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
