Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
