my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
