i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
