I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
