Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
