all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
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my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
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'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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