Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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