Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
