He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
