Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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