Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
do herpes really smell.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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