My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
