so explain again why im purple
no
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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