Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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