its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
