i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
