C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
