funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
