nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
