something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
