College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
