I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
