I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
