Well apparently he's into motor boating.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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