hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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