Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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