I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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