Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
