What a fucking waste of an outfit
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
