...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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