So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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