saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
