I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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