I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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