my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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