there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
