but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
