I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
