And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
