i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
