Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
