there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize