I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
