That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
