Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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