I bet he comes in French.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
