is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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