We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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