I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
