There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
