When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
