Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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