After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
