My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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