I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
